There was a young lady from Hyde

and other Limericks (Anon)

There was a young lady from Hyde
who ate too many apples, and died.
The apples fermented
inside the lamented,
and made cider inside her inside.

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why that was,
He replied "It's because
I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

There was a young man at St John's
Who wanted to bugger the swans
But the loyal hall-porter
Said, "Pray take my daughter!
Those swans are reserved for the dons"

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why that was,
He replied "It's because
I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

There once was a person from Lyme
Who married three wives at a time.
When asked, "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"

There was a young fellow named Fisher
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure,
When a cod, with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in ...
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

I sat next to the Duchess at tea;
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!

There once was a man of Bengal
Who was asked to a fancy-dress ball;
He said, "I will risk it
And go as a biscuit"
But a dog ate him up in the hall.

A rocket inventor named Bright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He started one day
In the relative way
And returned on the previous night.

A glutton who came from the Rhine,
When asked at what hour he would dine,
Replied, "At eleven,
At three, five, and seven,
And eight, and at quarter past nine."

A fly and a flea in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

A cheese that was aged and gray
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, "Kindly note
My mama was a goat -
And I'm made out of curds, by the whey."

A love-sick young barn-owl in Kew
Had a pretty young she-owl in view.
He twittered, "I oughter
Endeavor to court 'er
But I don't have enough wit to woo!"

There was a young fellow named Hall
Who fell in the spring in the fall.
'Twould have been a sad thing
Had he died in the spring,
But he didn't - he died in the fall.

She frowned and called him Mr.
Because he fondly kr.
And so for spite
That very night
That Mr. kr. sr.

A traveler once to his sorrow
Requested a ticket to Morrow.
Said the railman, "It's plain
That there isn't a train
To Morrow today, but tomorrow."

A certain young man named Bill Beebee
Was in love with a lady named Phoebe.
"But," he said "I must see
What the clergyman's fee
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee."

There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, named Nan,
Ran off with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.